I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
