His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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