what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
