She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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