just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
