I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
