got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
