New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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