Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
