I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
