I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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