TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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