My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
