if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
