she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
