Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
