she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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