Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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