In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
As shirtless as possible
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
