Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
