Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
