I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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