you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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