if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are the jesus of drinking
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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