I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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