4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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