I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Screwed.edu
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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