I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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