i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
