I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
