the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
