i barfeds in our rink
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
