Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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