Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
