Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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