I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Houston, we have a squirter
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
