I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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