hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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