I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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