you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
