He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
