What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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