Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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