Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
