No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
