dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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