I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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