Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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