just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
