you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
