I wish I could punch you in the face.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
