sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
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Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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