Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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