I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
