i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have aggressive nipples.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
