i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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