I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
