no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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