Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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