clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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