Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
