Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
