Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
