I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
