you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
