I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
