I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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