I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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