Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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