Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
