Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
